


Broken

by kairaptor



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kairaptor/pseuds/kairaptor
Summary: Jongin breaks everything he touches.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Baixiannie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baixiannie/gifts).



> For the bubbliest author ever, madame Hana :)) As promised, this is my late birthday present for you! It's not as good as you expected but it's the thought that counts, right? Stay beautiful inside and out, queen :)

They are not meant to stay together, and yet somehow they are meant to be.

Jongin lives in a different world. Not in a sense where he steps on different soil, but in a way that he walks around with his head in the clouds, his eyes unfocused and weary, and it only took one look for Sehun to see what the universe has done to him. He has been beaten and bent and shattered into a million little pieces of pain so much that he has slowly been losing grip on what he thinks is reality. He hides away from the crowd and shuts himself out of everyone's eye, locking himself in his room and covering the windows to engulf him in darkness, and he only speaks to those he believes are worthy, to people he keeps close to his heart and soul and he only gives away his smiles very, very rarely; but when he does, he enchants the entire room and makes that special person feel so worthy.

When Jongin smiles, Sehun's whole world suddenly seems like a better place.

Jongin isn't beautiful. Not in any physical form. He's too thin and too frail and his eyes were too big, and his hair too long and his voice too small, but it wasn't his outer layer that captivated Sehun; it's the way he regards every single thing with such importance, such care, that it's almost ridiculous. And when it falls through the gaps of his fingers and breaks, he also breaks with them and it makes Sehun's heart clench painfully in his chest when he witnesses it because when Jongin cries, he does so with so much misery and self-hatred and he collapses and punishes himself too hard for the things that aren't his fault.

It's not Jongin's fault the stray cat he found on the streets, the same cat he fended and loved and pampered so selflessly, died the morning he woke up.

It's not Jongin's fault when the porcelain statue of an angel broke when he _accidentally_ knocked it off the shelf.

It's not Jongin's fault Sehun stumbled and tripped over the set of stairs when ascending towards his room, and the bruise that formed on Sehun's thigh was definitely not his fault but he still blames himself for every misfortune that will or will not happen around him.

No matter how much Sehun tries to explain, no matter how much he assures Jongin that he's fine, that it's only a scratch, that, _no, it doesn't hurt don't worry_ , Jongin still doesn't feel at rest and his hands were shaking as he traces the bruise and he says sorry over and over, sobbing on Sehun's shirt as he begs him to forgive him, and all Sehun can do is to hold him and try to calm him down.

_It's okay, Jongin. It's okay._

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sehun._

_Jongin, it's fine._

_I shouldn't have made you come, I'm so selfish—_

_Jongin, hey, listen—_

_Please forgive me, I didn't mean it. Believe me, I wouldn't ever dream of hurting you, oh God Sehun, I'm so sorry._

And Sehun would hold him tight, kiss his forehead, kiss his cheek and lips so very gently, because Jongin is so fragile that every sudden move makes him jump a mile high up in the air.

Jongin is shattered, a broken shell of what he once was, left in terrible pain and scarred skin and stinging wounds, and who can even blame him? His childhood left him bleeding and he has been used so many times, too many to count, and people shunned him for his very existence, thrown him disgusted glances that Jongin tries so hard to avoid, but nothing is unavoidable and every time he hears a whisper of _he's a freak he's abnormal he's ugly_ he would cover his ears and close his eyes and sing to himself until Sehun comes and rescues him away from those dreadful people.

The fire that engulfed his house when he was twelve wasn't his fault, and yet he keeps beating himself over it continuously, that even now as an adult, twenty-three years old just like Sehun, he doesn't show any signs of growing up because every time he looks in the mirror and sees the giant scar the fire gave him on his left face, the skin torn and wrinkled and discolored, he'd burst into tears scream and scream until he has no voice left, and sometimes Sehun enters his room to pacify him but sometimes he just lets him cry it out. Because there are times where Jongin can't be helped.

Sehun doesn't love him. Not in a way Jongin does. Jongin loves him too much, cares for him too much, and when Jongin kisses him there's always that overwhelming explosion of passion and sometimes Sehun feels like he's drowning in so much of his emotion that he would withdraw just to catch himself. Jongin lives every second of his day with Sehun, always beside him, cuddling up to him or hugging him or clutching him a little too tightly, searching for his body heat and his voice and when Sehun leaves for work, Jongin would beg him to stay longer even if he knows Sehun can't. At work, he'll call again and again if it's Sehun's break time (he doesn't want Sehun to get in trouble because of him, no, never, so he calls only when he's sure he's free) and when Sehun returns to their tiny apartment Jongin will greet him with food that he prepared himself and listen to Sehun's day at work like the best husband anyone can ever hope for.

Sex with Jongin is great, no doubt about that. Jongin seeks for his touches, shivers at every caress and he basically worships Sehun's body. He gives blowjobs like no other. His moans and gasps were sweet and arousing and he spreads his legs like a Victorian whore, always so willing and yet so reserved at the same time, so gracious, so pretty. Jongin gave himself to Sehun a long time ago, ever since they got together at eighteen.

Sehun sometimes wonders why he's put up with Jongin for so long. Jongin is mentally sick and he's suffering from anorexia and he's scared all the fucking time. He's too clingy, too delicate, and his head isn't screwed on the right place. He has all these fantasies with Sehun that it sometimes frightens him. Perhaps he only stayed because he pities the boy (never once did Sehun refer him as a man since he isn't in so many ways), but it maybe also because he has this innate desire to understand his world. He knows it's horrible, cruel and terrible, but Jongin has an extraordinary beauty in him that only he gets to see and he's selfish too, because he has already marked Jongin as his own and Jongin's his property and no one else's.

But sometimes Sehun can't resist outside temptation. He was a striking man, with toned muscles, russet brown eyes, dark midnight hair and fair skin, and every time someone sees them together their eyes would be filled with confusion, because in society's standards Jongin is ugly and he's gorgeous, and it's not what people are used to. But one day Sehun cracks and he slips and he finds himself kissing another man, a man that was not the same height as him and has sparkling eyes and looks like a damn God, and it isn't Jongin who he bends on his desk and it isn't Jongin he fucks hard and rough in his office without a care whether he's hurting him or not, whether he's breaking him, because this man isn't like Jongin and he can take it, not like Jongin who he has to coax before fucking him so gently in fear that he'd shatter like a mirror.

He doesn't know the man's name and he doesn't ask for it, even if he knows he's working with him in division C, building 3, and he ignores the paper with his number and throws it in the trash when they're done.

When Sehun arrives home, he has to swallow the guilt he feels when Jongin approaches him and kisses him on the lips and says, "I made your favorite," and he doesn't finish his plate and Jongin asks him what's wrong and he says _nothing babe_ , but Jongin knows him like that back of his hand. He knows he's lying, and yet he doesn't push him for answers.

That night Jongin unzips his pants and kisses his lower stomach as he kneels in front of him but just as he reaches to pull his underwear Sehun moves away and says, "Not tonight."

And Jongin nods, whispers okay, and lays on the bed with his back against Sehun's.

Three days later, Jongin initiates love making again but Sehun feels too dishonest that he can't make himself hard for Jongin, and it frustrates him so much and Jongin looks at him with hurt in his eyes and asks him, "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Sehun responds, and the mere statement makes him want to laugh.

"T-then why…?"

"I'm just tired." he says. Jongin doesn't say anything and Sehun turns to find where his shirt is, but then he heard a sniff and he realizes Jongin's crying again and he curses under his breath.

He wants to comfort him, he really, really does, but instead he pulls his shirt over his head and leave the room and sleeps on the couch, and when he wakes up Jongin is laying on the tiled floor beside the sofa with only a pillow under his head, and a strong wave of guilt hits Sehun when he notices the cut marks on his wrist, still fresh. He leans down and carries him bridal style and when he gently lays him on the bed, Jongin won't let go.

"Sleep with me," he whispers. "Please."

It was eight in the morning but Sehun does.

* * *

 

Jongin doesn't eat. Not really. He takes a few bites of bread, a few spoons of rice, a few sips of juice, but nothing more. If he eats too much he vomits it all out and he'd curl up against himself in the bathroom tiles until he calms down. Sehun eats a little before he blurts out, "I cheated on you."

Jongin doesn't react. He stirs his cold soup and says, "I know." with a little broken smile and doesn't say anything else for the entire evening.

* * *

 

Jongin accidentally breaks a glass when he's cleaning the kitchen.

Sehun internally panics. Every time something breaks the impact it'll have on Jongin is extensive. He hopes Jongin doesn't hurt himself with the shards that are surely scattered on the floor, but when Sehun walks into the kitchen he sees Jongin on his knees clutching his heavily bleeding hand.

"Jongin, what have you done?" Sehun asks. He isn't talking about the ruined glass but of Jongin's opened skin, but the boy takes it the wrong way and he cries even harder.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Jongin, it's fine. Don't worry about it." Sehun says, slowly approaching him as to not startle the poor boy.

Jongin holds a shard of glass a little too tight and he finds more under the table, collecting the pieces together. Sehun watches him, bewildered as to why he doesn't tell him to stop, and Jongin says, "I'll fix it." as he searches for the other missing glass, and his the blood on his hand was dripping on the floor, painting the tiles a deep red, but Jongin doesn't _care_ —

Sehun removes the glass from his hand and drags him to the kitchen sink, opening the tap and letting his hand run down the water. "You can't fix it."

"I can," Jongin wails. "I can, I promise I can."

"It's in pieces, Jongin!" Sehun shouts. Jongin whimpers at the loud sound. "It's already broken, don't force yourself to do anything about it."

"No!" Jongin tries to pull away from his grip desperately and his eyes say _please_ but Sehun doesn't let go. "That's not true! Sehun, w-won't you help me? We'll find a way, r-right?"

Eventually Jongin stops crying, and even when he's nestled against his arms, his head on his chest and his leg draped around his, the instance that happened earlier will leave another scar in his already battered heart. No one will see it, no one will see just how much he's hurting, but it will be there, buried alongside all his pains and sorrows and fears. And Sehun realizes how much words must have impacted Jongin.

Because when Jongin breaks anything, it symbolizes his failures. It symbolizes his entire life. Jongin is broken and he's beyond repair, but he desperately refuses to believe it. And so he searches comfort in Sehun's words and in Sehun's touches, because he's the only one that keeps him alive and Sehun fails, yet again, to complete such an easy task.

* * *

 

March 4, on a dreary winter's day, Sehun skids off the road and crashes into another fast speeding car.

His cellphone was found with a broken screen and five missed calls from a contact that was listed 'Jongin', and police redialed the number and told the person on the other line the horrible news.

March 10, at precisely ten in the evening, another man died after committing suicide. A gunshot to the head. He's identified as Kim Jongin, a boy who's too thin and too pale and had multiple cuts drawn to his wrist, legs and stomach, the entire left side of his face covering a large scar from a fire that was started years ago.

A note was found in his pocket with the words " _It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, he shouldn't have died"_ and the officer in charge of the body sighed wearily.

"Poor kid," he mutters, zipping up the bag to cover Jongin's face as his body is taken to the morgue.

And that's enough proof that Jongin, the boy with pretty eyes and a ruined soul, breaks everything he touches.

Including himself.


End file.
